Last week our oldest son took this photo after a family wedding out of state. My wife looked absolutely stunning. Her hair was perfect (she even had that Windswept Model look here). She’d spent plenty of time planning every detail of her outfit and then applying her makeup.
The bride looked wonderful. [And, yes, I cried.] But my very *definition* of Beauty wasn’t wearing white; she was wearing green and sat beside me. And just like the groom on the platform couldn’t take his eyes off his bride, I couldn’t take my eyes off mine.
The DJ invited all married couples to the dance floor during the reception. He was looking for the longest married couple. After almost 16 years of marriage, we danced longer than many but still left early in the song. The winning couple had been married 62 years (Kelly’s grandparents).
The love of my life looked different the next morning in the hotel. Instead of carefully-applied makeup, the rosiness in her cheek came from the pillow on which she’d been sleeping. Instead of a fancy dress and jewelry, she wore pajamas. And her hair had lost all its shape.
Yet the very *definition* of Beauty stood before me in that hotel room. And I truly couldn’t take my eyes off her.
The Bible reminds us that outward “beauty is fleeting” and “people look at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart” (Proverbs 31:30, 1 Samuel 16:7). So if the Bible were to have a list of characteristics we should look for in a spouse, Outward Beauty would probably be the last (if it made the list at all).
But society screams Beauty should be *first* on our list. And society is a *powerful* influencer. So imagine the problems that happen when we prioritize like the world does and believe its twisted definition of Beauty.
That’s why years ago I heard a man counsel husbands to pray God would constantly ‘re-write’ their definition of Beauty to align with their wife’s current appearance. In other words, we should pray God would make our wife the “plumb line” for Beauty.
A plumb line is an ancient tool (although sometimes still used today) that received several Biblical mentions. Workers use them to determine a perfect vertical angle, like when a bricklayer needs to build a straight wall.
For years sociologists have studied how society’s sick obsession with unnatural beauty standards harms women’s mental health. Imagine being forced to walk through a horrific hybrid between a never-ending maze and a house of mirrors at a carnival (or as John Bunyan called the carnival in The Pilgrim’s Progress, “Vanity Fair”). It’s like society forever prevents women from seeing the true beauty staring back at them. The weary travelers always hope they’ll finally see their beauty around the corner… only to be disappointed with another unnatural image.
But men also fall prey to Vanity Fair’s endless reality-distorting mirrors. And if we’re not careful (as that man counseled years ago) we husbands will believe society’s soul-destroying lies, like a snake hissing in our ear, about the Bride walking by our side…
“She’s not beautiful anymore. Beauty looks like that woman over there. Beauty hasn’t borne children. Beauty is always younger. Beauty no longer lives in your home. Beauty is in that cubicle next to you. Beauty is only a few clicks away on the internet.”
For the sake of our marriages and Eternity, the man recommended I pray “God, make my wife my plumb line for Beauty.”
So I do. And He does.
***
There’s a disturbing trend with some male (celebrity) pastors publicly bragging about their ‘smoking hot wife.’ [Seriously. Google the word “pastor” with that phrase to read about it.] It comes off as some sort of weird and patriarchal competition.
This post is not that.
Rather, it is a reminder of the Bible’s mandate husbands should “rejoice in the wife of your youth” and “be captivated by her” (Proverbs 31:30, 6:25). [Technically, that second verse reads “be captivated by her love,” which seems to be a Hebraic way of summarizing every part of her and her love towards her husband.] Notice neither of these commands to husbands is contingent. It doesn’t read “rejoice in her if there’s anything worthy of rejoicing” or “be captivated by her if you or the world think she’s captivating.”
EVERY wife (regardless of her personality, skill set, vocation, education level, etc) has qualities in them about which husbands should rejoice. And EVERY wife (regardless of how society gauges her beauty) IS (or should be) captivating in her husband’s eyes. If she *isn’t,* the flaw lay with the husband’s disobedience to Scripture. It is *he* who has allowed Vanity Fair to distort his reality and be captivated by something (or someone) else. The husband who no longer sees the Beauty in his wife has traded God’s plumb line for some distorted measurement he stole from the House of Mirrors.
***
My wife knows how to style herself well. And she rightly stewards the only body God gave her. She exercises, eats right, and protects her skin from sun. So she definitely looks beautiful by our society’s current standards.
But age can be tough. Traumatic accidents and disease can permanently alter appearances. And Vanity Fair is fickle and ruthless, like a casino letting you win at the tables for a while before robbing you blind. Like a shallow magazine now deeming last season’s popular fashion as “sooooo out of style,” the Fair will create new impossible beauty standards.
So decades from now, I’m sure the Fair’s fickle judges will sway popular opinion once again. People won’t compliment my octogenarian wife’s beauty or trendy dress and heels like they do now.
But if God allows me to be an octogenarian husband, I’ll be oblivious to the Fair’s ever-changing standards. For I choose the path of Scriptural obedience. God has granted my prayer. And I trust He always will.
Lord willing, after 60+ years of marriage, we’ll attend weddings filled with young women who have perfectly manicured hair and makeup. I’ll scan the entire room and praise God the very definition of Beauty is dancing with me (or sitting next to me with our walkers beside us 😊).
Husbands,
I fail and sin in many ways. But the wise counsel I received years ago continues to bless and protect our marriage. May you heed the same wisdom as I have.
Til death do us part…
I will always rejoice in the wife of my youth.
I will always be captivated by her love.
And she will always be my plumb line for Beauty.
